The ultimate woman's confession...

My  new journey begins now.  This takes a lot for me to come forward and say this has to end.  I am done being a fat, out of shape mom, wife, and friend.  I have struggled with my weight for about 6 years now.  With many diet and exercise programs time and time again.  Some seemed to help a little but I would quickly gain the weight back. 

Let me give you a little background…. Growing up I was very active in many sports-Soccer, gymnastics, dance, and cheerleading.  You name a night of the week and I was at one maybe 2 practices a night.  I could run without batting an eye at least 4 miles before the heavy breathing began.  I went off to college at the weight of 120lbs.  I didn’t gain the “freshman 15”… it was more of the loose 15 lbs that year (thanks to my awesome roommates help).  I was down to 105lbs and my size 3 jeans were loose.  Don’t get me wrong I have never been stick thin.  But at 5 foot 1” I was short and far from being “thick”.  I have a body shape with very little “good curves”… I don’t have a butt, don’t have any hip definition… large chest.  I’m me… I love who I am and who God has made me.  I know it’s not what’s on the outside, but what’s on the inside that counts… and God is still working on me.  But I know that my body is a temple and I want to live a life that’s healthy and live long for my wonderful husband and son.  Christ has transformed my life and now it’s time to take care of the body He gave me. 

I got married after my 4^th year of college.  The weight seemed to come on fast.  I was up to the weight of 135 on our wedding day.  I was less active and eating what I pleased.  Quickly after getting married we were like any other newlywed couple where money was tight… we were both still college students and we lived on the cheap mac and cheese/ramen noodles.  I thought that’s what was causing me to pack on the lbs quickly… and I’m sure it had something to do with it.  But we wanted a family and that didn’t come easy to us.  After much testing, we found out I had severe PCOS (Poly-Cycstic Ovarian Syndrome).  This is basically a condition where many cysts are formed in the ovaries that causes a blockage of estrogen and insulin resistance/spikes.  It has many symptoms… infertility, irregular periods, adult acne, WEIGHT GAIN, cramps, bloating, and many more…  This does make it very difficult to loose weight and keep it off.  BUT does NOT make it impossible.  Through the 3 years of infertility treatments and adoption journey I struggled with what I would call “no-baby depression”.  Sounds silly… but it was a real thing.  I was in tears… no sobbing most nights. Crying out to God with questions and even possible anger on that journey.  Little did I know that God was working in our lives and had the most perfect plan for our family.  Good thing He does the planning and not us right?!  We ended up adopting the most perfect, adorable, handsome, hilarious, smiley, wonderful little boy.  I am the most thankful mommy in the world (at least I think so!) 

Throughout this my husband has been so supportive.  He has helped me with the many different diet and exercise plans.  Loved me with all my sizes.  And never thought anything different about me.  He continues to love me more and more everyday… and with that I am sooo Thankful and blessed to be called his wife.  But over the years of marriage and this new life of our little family of 3… PCOS has gotten the best of me, and the old comfort foods have found their way to fat. 

I was good for 4 months with the PALEO diet/ life change.  I was eating healthy foods that were non-processed.  I would watch what I ate, and stuck to the diet (except a few days)… my husband was right there besides me… We were doing great and felt great!  But then with my sons severe food allergies…many of the main foods we ate (eggs, nuts, ect.) we ate we could no longer have in our house.  If we even cooked eggs in the house my son would have a reaction.  So we ended up getting off that diet since we didn’t know what else to do.

I am nervous to post this… but I have seen a number I have never wanted to see on the scales.  I am topping out at the weight of 170lbs…AND I don’t want to see this number any more.  Time to get back down to where I am healthy, where I can run without being out of breath, where I feel better, and I can be a wife and mom for a very long time.  My weight is unhealthy.  I carry most of my excess weight around my mid-section… as many of you know this is the danger section.  It leads to many health risks…and I could even be considered pre-diabetic.  I am only 5’1” at 25 years old.  I ask myself how did this happen… looking back I can see the patterns.  But this is why I am laying it all out and exposing “the sacred women secret” my weight.  I need your help… I need your support… I need your accountability… I want to lay it all out and show my exercise and food charts on a regular basis.  I need tips from those who are good with nutrition.  Food craving tips, exercise tips.  And even though I know this will happen slowly, I want to record the weight loss. 

Now is the time… this time next year the scale will read something drastically different.  I am in this for the long haul.  I have begun running at least 3 times a week… on the other days trying to at least get out for a walk of do some exercise in my house.  I have cut out all breads, grains, white sugars, starches, and processed garbage out of my diet.  No more making excuses… no more being this size… a healthier me is in the near future…. All I ask for is for people to keep me accountable… for my friends to be there when I seem weak.  This is a real thing…. And for those to help with nutrition suggestions.